Sunday, September 28, 2008

Skirt Alert!!

Tweedledum careened into the Peppermint Squad's garage that is conveniently, if secretly, located off Codman Square. He killed the engine and shouted to all who could hear: "We've got D-cup Skirt Alert on Melville Street!" It was Friday evening and things were slow in Dorchester's motor scooter community, owing to the rain and all.

Cherrypicker was reading the Financial Times. She looked up and asked, "What are the details?"

Tweedledum stood at attention while addressing the night's shift leader. He said, "A woman approximately 5'6" tall and 145 lbs was seen on a Tomos Streetmate in the vicinity of Shawmut Station. She was heading west wearing a full face helmet and travelling approximately 25 mph under slippery conditions. Peepeye is following her awaiting further instructions."

Cherrypicker asked, "If the subject is wearing a full face helmet, how do you know he or she is female."

Tweedledum grinned. "There's no mistaking the gender in this case ma'am. This is a D-cup alert."

Bella Donna also happened to be on duty on Friday. She rolled out of her beanbag chair and said, "Oh for the love of Pete! Do we have to go on anther bra measuring patrol? Isn't the Pepppermint Squad about treating all motorscooterists as equals? This is just demeaning. You didn't accept me for membership because of my female attributes and Cherrypicker here, no offense, Shift Leader, is no lady. Let's let this subject pass through Dorchester unmolested without ogling her."

Cherrypicker looked Bella Donna up and down. She looked at Tweedledum, who had a mischevious gleam in his eye. She looked at the other members manning the clubhouse this rainy, Friday night. She made an executive decision. Cherrypicker said, "Donna's right. Show some respect to a lady. She doing twenty-five on a rainy night. She doesn't need us bothering her. She's got enough to look out for. Signal Peepeye to desist his bivouac."

Tweedledum went to the Peppermint Squad's official cell phone and tapped out a message in code. He went back to Cherrypicker's desk and stood at attention. He said, "Your orders have been executed." Cherrypicker waved him away and said, "Why don't you reconnoiter with Peepeye and bring us back some rotis from Upham's Corner?" Tweedledum said, "Aye-aye," and mounted his motor scooter to brave the elements again.

When Tweedledum had gone, Bella Donna looked at Cherrypicker. She said, "It would be nice to see how a Tomos Streetmate handles in inclement weather."

Cherrypicker said, "Hindsight is twenty-twenty and I wouldn't go faster than fifteen on a night like tonight."

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