New Orleans crime statistics

A cup of Confucius or a cup of commercially mixed Hurricane will do you well when trying to figure out what to make of the crime scene in New Orleans, LA.  I investigated the NOPD's crime map to see how many reported crimes took place within two miles of my new address since June 1.  Answer: Zero.

Not a bad track record.  I can walk Ursulines Street and St. Bernard Avenue without a care in the world. The crime map does offer a caveat, however: "The City of New Orleans makes no representation that the information is accurate, complete, confirmed, investigated, timely, consistent, or correctly sequenced.  Users must not consider the information reliable..."  You agree to this disclaimer before you are allowed to check any statistics, such as they are.

I've been monitoring some internet chatter about a rash of break-ins and attempted rapes and robberies in the 7th and 9th wards, around Marigny-Bywater.  I'm quick to dismiss things as alarmist, especially when reports contain bandanna-masked desperadoes kicking in doors.

If it's not on the crime map and it's not in the Times-Picayune, New Orleans paper of record, how much weight should I place on loose talk heard in the street?

Some young women from the Bywater neighborhood came to view our apartment last night.  We made chitchat while they talked amongst themselves about how much more room this apartment would give them over their current half shotgun.  "Why are moving up here?" I asked.  "Because there's a crime spree in the Bywater and we don't feel safe," they answered in triplicate.

I'm more inclined to trust these ladies' gut instinct than I am to trust a crime map that says no crime, no matter how petty, has not been committed across a vast swath of the city for six months.  No news may be good news but sometimes it's just ignorance forced from above.  I can understand the only city-wide newspaper of national repute not wanting to paint the city with a tarred brush, but withholding news is not a newspaper's mission.

I've been reading the T-P the past few days with more than my usual diligence.  I learned today that the film "Black Swan" deserves only three stars.  "Yogi Bear" got a star and a half.  I haven't read the Lifestyle section yet, just the first section, the metropolitan section, and the lagniappe.  Maybe unsafe conditions are in Lifestyle; it is a city lifestyle issue much more than comic strips advice columns and diet advice.

So, is everything rosy in the Crescent City?  No.  It is a city, no matter what the truth may be, bad things happen, distasteful things, the kind of things people try to protect their children from experiencing.  There is so much good in New Orleans that is leavened by the criminal.  Criminals are everywhere.  That is why we make laws.  Some laws are just, others a nuisance.  Breaking and entering no matter what else follows, is a crime.  This is news that should be counterbalanced and outweighed by the positive happenings in a city as big as this with as big a heart.

The T-P and the NOPD are in cahoots, letting pastel be the shade of the day by omitting details.  They do us a disservice.  I'm not moving away.  I just bought a house because I believe in this city. The administration and the media cheat me of making a responsible decision based on the city's character painted as a whole.  Luckily, I don't rely on the NOPD or the T-P to guide my decisions.  I am alive on the streets, I take the good and the bad, weigh each hand-to-hand like Osiris balancing a feather against a cardiac weight.  New Orleans is good no matter how you describe it, warts and all, every facet, every wrinkle, every pock mark, every scar.

I am happy to live here no matter what I am supposed to know.  I know New Orleans is good and I made the correct decision to plant my roots in the Mississippi mud.  I am home and I raise a toast to the Crescent City.  Long may it thrive.  I am onboard for the journey for the rest of the decades I have left to do the deed.

Product placement

Boston meets Dorchseter mug by whaleheadking
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Thinking about Boston and Dorchester, I arrived at this allegory. It's a nice desktop conversation starter that could turn a business meeting into directions no one intended. Tee shirts also available.

Dorchester, like Luck, is always a lady.

Three items of interest

Firstly: Our mailbox contained a letter today from the Executive Director of the Boston Collegiate Charter School. It seems the school has purchased the building at 215 Sydney Street to refurbish it. The plans are to hold classes at this address, after construction is complete, for students in the 5th and 6th grades. Ms. Sullivan, the director, apologizes in advance for any inconvenience and expresses the wish to work with neighborhood residents to minimize trouble the project may cause. The board of trustees operates a middle and high school on Mayhew Street in Dorchester and people of the Sydney Street neighborhood are welcome to contact her with any concerns or to arrange a tour of the Mayhew Street campus to learn of the school's mission and operation. She can be reached at 617-265-1172.

Secondly: Brothers Supermarket II is scheduled to open its doors on Dudley Street, just west of Uphams Corner, on Friday, if one can believe the soap on the front doors. This building has been undergoing renovations for some time and it is nice to finally be able to see inside. The whole affair is remarkably spiffy. There is fresh, unscuffed paint everywhere and the aisles are nicely spaced to allow for maximum traffic flow and minimal reaching around fellow shoppers. The shelves are already fully stocked but there are a few details to attend to before the grand opening date arrives. The original Brothers Supermarket is located on Washington Street, but the digs on Dudley promise to be more modern with more elbow room for who live in the immediate area.

Thirdly: Whalehead King is happy to write for money. It is his preferred means of exchange since a dollar goes far in Dorchester and he wouldn't mind a few extra bills in his pocket. That said, he does not endorse specific businesses for cash payment. If any of our regular readers are business owners, they are welcome to contact the proprietor of this site to schedule a visit and possible mention here. This has not happened yet, but we are happy to entertain the possibility, always looking for fresh material. It would save a lot of legwork and confabulation.

Rather than cash on the barrel head for what may be an endorsement of questionable value, Mr. King requests perquisites instead: 20% off his bill for a month from a dry cleaner, for instance, or a pint on the house the next time he steps up to the bar. Regular readers know we tend to accentuate the positives we encounter and downplay the negatives. In fact, we tend not to see any negatives at all, being happy to be out and about, enjoying our surroundings for all they are worth. You cannot put a price tag on happiness and Whalehead King, your humble narrator, is reasonably content reporting things as he finds them. They are overall good.

The missing Tyrolean

Hans Nindelschitz reports that he lost his hat on the 22 bus somewhere after Ashmont Station while the bus was travelling Talbot Avenue. He is a German exchange student at UMASS Boston on Harbor Point and his hat is a cherished possession. It is a forest green Tyrolean hat with the requisite green rope braid over the brim and a boar's hair brush mounted on the left side. The hat is studded with pewter pins that Herr Nindelschitz earned on group hikes through his native Rhine Valley. He attests that he hasn't seen any other hat like it in Dorchester, so anyone who spies it can be reasonably sure of its rightful owner.

Herr Nindelschitz says that the 8:05 PM bus out of Ashmont wasn't crowded so he took off his hat and placed it with his books on the seat next to him on his way home to his apartment in Stony Brook. He could take the Red Line from campus to Downtown Crossing and then the Orange Line to Stony Brook but he has found that the Red Line to Ashmont and then the 22 bus shaves a few minutes off his commute. With his hat and books at his side, after a long day of studying, this scholar fell asleep, lulled by the rocking of the 22 bus. He awoke at 9:11 when the bus came to an abrupt halt at the intersection of Talbot Avenue and Nightingale Street. His head feeling cold, he reached for his trusty Tyrolean hat and came up empty handed.

His books were undisturbed but his hat was missing. He felt around the bus floor and bent to look under the seat but there was no sign of his hat. He made his way to the front of the bus and asked the driver about where it may be. The driver stopped the bus in mid traffic and asked his passengers to search their seats for the missing hat. It really was missing.

At Stony Brook, Herr Nindelschitz spoke with the Transit Police and the officers on duty promised to issue an all points bulletin for the missing headgear. The sergeant at the desk said, "We'll do our best but that hat could be anywhere by now. It could be at the tip of Hull by now and if it is we'll never be able to trace it."

Anyone in Dorchester who happens to accidentally be in possession of an unfamiliar Tyrolean hat is encouraged to turn it in to the nearest MBTA police station so that can be reunited with its rightful owner. Today he was wearing a knit watch cap, popularly called a 'scully' in Dorchester, and while it is warm it isn't warm like he likes.

Planning for the fallout

On the off chance that the McCain/Palin ticket carries Massachusetts, you may like to have a back-up residence in mind. Is there a state more blue than Massachusetts? This question refers to political leanings not mood. Everyone knows there will never be a happier commonwealth in the Union as long as the States are united.

So let's say you want to high tail out of the Hub of the Universe and rest your bones in San Francisco or Seattle or even, Heaven forbid, one of New York's more radical buroughs. Who do you call to haul your possessions? We have a recommendation.

Nick's Moving Company, located at 40 Joy Street (naturally) in Somerville will be as pleased as Punch to assist with all your moving needs. As the lettering on the side of the truck says, Nick's crews are "Cheap & Friendly." Voted the best of Boston's movers in 2001 and 2003, competition for the crown as the cheeriest movers in town has been tight since then. This has led the stevedores and teamsters at Nick's to redouble thier efforts to don the mantle once again. If you feel the need to relocate after Election Day, give Nick's a look-see. You won't be disappointed and you'll probably be moved to cast another vote, this one for Nick's as the Best of Boston 2009.

This is an unpaid and unsoliciated advertisement without any contact between the proprietors of Whalehead Enterprises and the management of Nick's Moving Company. We are only relaying the word on the street. For what it is worth, we also fortell a Democratic victory in Massachusetts if informal, undocumented rumors can be trusted.

APB

All Points Bulletin!

A moped has been stolen. For all details and photographs of the missing ride please click here: http://community.livejournal.com/b0st0n/6288155.html.

Any member of the general public sighting a rastafarian colored moped (red-yellow-green) is encouraged to report it to the proper authorities ASAP. If seen unattended, procure a lock and secure said moped to the nearest immovable object. As well as calling in Boston's boys in blue, email brightlikesunshineatgmaildotcom.

This is not some Peppermint Squad frivolity. This is a substantial occurance and an affront to all who sit astride little engines. Do your part. Mount up and go on patrol with eyes open for the perpertrators. Boston should be abuzz tonight in a cloud of two-stroke smoke.