Friday, June 30, 2006

More Gang News!

If New London is bloody, it is because someone has poured too much ketchup on a rare cheeseburger. New London's young rapscallions shoot pingpong balls from their slingshots. This ammunition provides enough sting to irriate and it provides a satisfying "pock," but no real damage is done.

New London's most formidable gang is the Fauntleroys, a rough and tumble assembly of toughs who operate out of a rec room on Lower Boulevard. They soap the windows of BMWs around New London's Sixth District because their car of choice is the declassee Saab. They tie red, silk carnations to the antennae of Saabs and Volvos.

The Fauntleroys' territory lies just south of the turf that belongs to the Moore Avenue Rascals. In February 2006, the two gangs rumbled over a disputed speed chess match. The Fauntleroys won and the Rascals accused them of turning the egg timers too quickly. Heated words were followed by hot action, and the gangs assembled in Caulkins Park to defend their honors.

The Fauntleroys came armed with dollar store shivs that won't hold an edge no matter how long you rub them against a stone. The Moore Avenue Rascals are more street savvy, but they don't have as much disposable income. The Rascals packed serrated butter knives, a weapon they have learned to wield like martial artists just graduated from an afterschool program.

There was a lot of shouting and posturing. Metal flashed in the rays of the setting sun. One of the Fauntleroys, Joey Bishop, was tripped by a Rascal, and when he hit the ground, the breast pocket of his leather jacket rattled. Joey Bishop was carrying an unopened box of Good 'n' Plenty.

The Rascals have a soft spot for licorice. In order to avoid bloodshed, the Fauntleroys bought off thier rivals with the box of Good 'n' Plenty, three packs of Blackjack Gum, a quarter pound of original flavor Twizzlers, and a half box of Crows. Both gangs agreed that, in the future, impartial referees will monitor thier speed chess tournaments. A ragged bloodbath was avoided.

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