Thursday, March 15, 2007

Litter For a Good Cause

There have been a lot of empty candy bags blowing around the Sixth District. Amos, the Crossing Guard, has been driving himself batty picking up the trash. You may have read that the Connecticut Mastery Test Scores at Harbor School have gone up 35%. Most of these elementary school students have the base skills to take college courses. What is the secret of these teachers' and their principal's success. I'll tell you. Dr. Christopher Clouet can learn an easy lesson from the trash blowing around Harbor School.

Empty candy bags can raise school scores? Yes. We are not talking about ten pound bags of Dum-Dum lollipops. We are talking about one pound bags of Smarties. The Ce De Candy Company of Union, NJ knows what a name means. Smarties, a confection of dextrose, citric acid and Yellow 5 Lake, also contain a secret ingredient. The teachers at Harbor School know that.

Smarties come in a roll so that they can be sampled throughout the day, like before a pop quiz or an unexpected social studies question. Smarties work like memory enhancers Pfizer has never dreamed of. In fact, yesterday's Wall Street Journal reported secret talks between Pfizer and Ce De Candy with an acquisition in mind. Pfizer's Global Research and Development is just down the street from Harbor School. You cannot quench the curiosity of a scientist. They jog at lunch time and see the trash in the gutters of Pequot Avenue. Pfizer knows why Harbor School's scores have improved so much. Now you do too.

Looking for a promotion to middle management? Looking to write the great American novel? Looking to land tenure at Connecticut College? Looking to be appointed the next New London City Manager? Look no farther than the bulk candy section in tbe drug store. Stock up on a sack of Smarties brand, assorted flavors, candy rolls. The sky is the limit when you make Smarties a part of your diet. Just stay away from the Dum-Dum lollipops.

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