Monday, August 25, 2008

Peppermint File #2

We continue profiling members of Boston, Mass.'s Peppermint Squad, a footloose bunch of ne'er-do-well motor scooterists who have decided to take to the streets in the cause of Truth, Justice, and the American Way. By American, they don't mean gas-guzzling. They mean eccentric and independant. What is a motor scooterist if not either? If he or she were one of the herd , they would be either on a bicycle or a motorcycle. The members of the Peppermint Squad ride neither. These profiles are taken from the files of the BPD Substation III-C located south of Park Street in Dorchester.

Dorchester is the biggest and most diverse of Boston's neighborhoods. It is fitting the Peppermint Squad, Boston's biggest, most diverse scooter gang, should patrol these streets before all others.

Our subject today is known by a fictitious first name while keeping the last name he was born with. Peanut Jones isn't a small man but he has a hard shell. He isn't large. One year, he and Tiny Phillips got into a thumb wrestle to determine who would be head of the Peppermint Squad after two indecisive run-off votes. Tiny's thumb is twice the size of Peanut's and Peanut ended up being Vice Chancellor of the Privy Chamber. This is a coveted appointment but not as plumb as being club president.

Peanut Jones rides a Honda Metropolitan. His scoot has scratches all along the lip of the left leg shield and all over the left hub over the rear wheel. Mr. Jones is right handed but he has a stigmatism that causes a blind spot in his left eye. He looks in his left rear-view mirror, sees sunny skies and then, schwoops! a new scratch. These things happen and Mr. Jones has grown used to breaking out a can of spray paint to cover his latest mishap. He paints his little Metro tan. Peanut Jones rides a hand-painted, tan scoot. Isn't that cute?

As a member of good standing in the Peppermint Squad, Peanut Jones has no bones to pick and no dirt to dish. As a Vice Chancellor he has been sworn to uphold the squad's honor. Anyone looking for tabloid-worthy news should look elsewhere. Peanut Jones is taciturn. He takes his place in the pack, doesn't show off (how can a tan scooter be showy?) and fulfills the privy role of his office.

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