The Poet Laureate of Credit

Consider the mustard seed...

My introduction to Capitalism.

Everybody loves the best credit cards.  Open your eyes.  Reasonable rates, at good terms, with incredible reward options, are available to qualified individuals.  You know what you need.  You need the best credit cards for which you are eminently qualified, just because you are you.  Open your eyes.


There are a boatloads of goods and services to be purchased to make your life more efficient, more pleasurable, more relaxing, and all-around better.  Some people say, "Caveat emptor."  Smart people say, "Carpe diem."

You need good furniture.

Someday, your dreams will come true.

Zippety-doo-dah!  All the live long day.  Then night comes.  

What are you going to do when the sun goes down?  If I were you, I would plant myself in front of the Winsome Dark Espresso Hailey 3-Piece Modular Media Center.  Zowie!  Look at that fine piece of media entertainment furniture.  When everything is going right, nothing can go wrong.  Your decor tells you the truth.  Whistle while you relax.

This entertainment center is right for you.

How do you store your media?  If you are like me, you have bookshelves.  If I were like you, I would have a modular multi-media center finished in a rich, dark espresso finish to match my decor.  CD storage, DVD storage, VHS storage, reel-to-reel storage (in canisters), game cartridge storage, DVD player storage, stereo storage, iPod storage, a CD player shelf, if I were you, I would own this.  I am placing my order tonight.  With free shipping, I see what I am missing.

I am buying a plasma TV, so I need a plasma TV stand.  I need a plasma TV stand that has media storage.  On the eighth day, my entertainment room will be fully furnished in style, all the shelves full.  I can’t seem to forget this page.  The Winsome stays on my mind.

So I’ve committed.  I am going to enter the 21st century, twelve years late, with a 60” plasma TV modular entertainment center.  It's a good thing I waited.  I considered buying a 40” plasma TV, and I considered buying a 50” plasma TV.  While both of them fit, the Winsome Hailey Modular Media Center fits them all, as well as the 60” plasma TV.  It will fit bigger if I let it.  Bigger is always better.  Time will tell.  There is only one way to get entertainment at home.

At day’s end, and in the morning, too, I will watch my plasma TV.  I will play video games on it, with games I store in my console media storage center.  I will listen to Lady Gaga on my iPod.  Home is where the heart is.  

Spend your time as well as you spend your money, and you will never have any regrets.  I like to read a book, but I also like to be entertained.  The future is now and I need a modular entertainment center with room for a plasma TV and ample digital media storage.  I have an order to place.  Zippety-doo-dah!

What are you going to do? 

The Great Jewelry Armoire Debate

Some links do kiss and tell.

"Why do you call it a jewelry armoire?” he asked.  “You could just as easily call it a jewelry cabinet, or a jewelry chest, or a place to keep your jewelry.  Whatever it is, it is a fine-crafted piece of jewelry storage technology.”

She said, “I like to say jewelry armoire.  It makes me happy.”

It was easy for him to see what made her happy.  Her jewelry cabinet was a chest of jewelry treasures.  It was the perfect jewelry box, with tiered jewelry storage.  There was a ring drawer.  There was a drawer for bracelets.  There were necklace hooks in necklace cabinets.  There were bangles racks.  There were plush, contoured earring mounts for stud earring storage, hoop earring storage, and dangle earring storage.  Her jewelry armoire has space for navel rings, nipple rings, and any other jewelry an elegant lady may own.  An elegant jewelry armoire is more than a thing of beauty.   

Keep jewelry in a stylish jewelry armoire.

She studied her face in the armoire mirror.  She was pretty in pink.  She opened a ring box drawer and chose a ring from the velvet-lined cushions.  She chose her earrings from the armoire earring cabinet.  She opened the velvet-lined bracelet drawer, and considered the diamonds, but she turned to the bangle tree.    

An elegant, wall-mointed jewelry armoire is a lady's best friend. 

“I like to say jewelry chest,” he said.  “Jewelry cabinet works for me, too.  Sometimes I think Best Jewelry Cabinet should be a proper name.  But if you like your jewelry armoire, I like it too.  I see why you like it.  Your jewelry armoire is beautiful.”

She looked at him.  They kissed.  The armoire mirror saw it all.

Every playboy needs furniture.

Every penthouse needs furniture.

I asked Mike if I could tell the story of the day after he moved into his new apartment in the Highland Arms on Madison Avenue.  He said I could, as long as I gave him a pseudonym.  Did he have any preferences?  “You can call me, Kyle,” he said.  

Kyle moved into his apartment in the Highland Arms on Madison Avenue on Saturday afternoon.  The doorman opened the door when he arrived, and the steward followed him up the elevator, carrying  Kyle’s bags.  The key turned the lock of the penthouse suite, and Kyle was home to an empty flat.

“What am I going to do now?” Kyle asked me.

“Not to worry,” I replied, “Tomorrow's the eighth day of the week.  Good things happen then.”  

“Where will we sleep, tonight?” Kyle asked me.

“The Vanderbilt twins are having a party, tonight,” I said.  “You know Candy is sweet on you, and I think I can sweet talk Amanda.  If we show up, I bet they’ll let us spend the night in their guest room.   Besides, they’re interior designers.  I’ll bet they have plenty of suggestions of what we can buy to make your bachelor pad chic, modern, and freshly sophisticated in a comfortable way.”  

“I’m sweet on both Vanderbilt sisters,” Kyle said, dreamy-eyed.  “I love the South Shore Jumper Twin Mates Bedset they have in their guest room, too.”

The Vanderbilt twins know how to party.

The next morning, Sunday, Kyle and I returned to his new, empty apartment, after a night of talking about furniture in particular, and cutting-edge, yet homey, decor in general.  What we learned from all this talk is that there is one way, the best way, to buy furniture at significant savings with free shipping, and exceptional customer service.  High quality merchandise crafted by professional artisans from around the globe is surprisingly affordable when you know where to look.  Kyle and I spent that Sunday morning at the computer, ordering furniture for his penthouse apartment at the Highland Arms on Madison Avenue in this great city we call home.  There is only one way to shop for furniture online.

The first order of business was barstools, of course.  Then, we selected a dining room set.  It was thirsty work, but we had plenty of espresso on hand.

A floor lamp and media storage cabinet will arrive next Thursday.  The  future is bright with the promises of an occasional table, a sofa, an electric fireplace, and a coatrack conceived and manufactured specifically for the ideal, twenty-first century, bachelor's HQ in what may very well be the most cutting-edge city in the world. 

Kyle has good taste.  So do you.  Live in the home you imagine.  

Shopping online for furniture is an enjoyable way to spend a Sunday afternoon.  When the delivery man arrives, that is another, tangible shot of satisfaction into your home.  The proof is in the living.  Good furniture rewards its owner every day, in many ways.  There is only one way to choose wisely.  Less than eight days later, Kyle’s apartment was furnished just as he imagined. 

*******

If you didn't see the sweet little Ninja motorcycle in yesterday's post, scroll down, gentle reader, scroll down to see a truly beautiful thing.       -WK

Love's Tinderbox

Even a coward can be a lion.

Have I told you about my anonymous friend who loves his thirty-inch, self-trimming, electric firebox?  You can’t blame him.  She is a beauty.  He’s got a special name for his Dimplex Essex White Electric Indoor Transitional Fireplace.  He calls it Mabel.

My anonymous friend likes to cozy up to Mabel with a good book and a snifter of brandy.  “We’ve spent many romantic nights together, reading John Donne, and Portuguese sonnets, ” he says. 

No man should keep a mistress, but an electric fireplace is the perfect fixture for a modern bachelor pad.  You’ll always find success when it’s a Dimplex, especially the Essex.  Just ask my anonymous friend who has on-demand heat from a thirty-inch, self-trimming, electric firebox.  

That’s Mabel: always able.  Three cents and hour with flame only.  Eight cents an hour for warm flame, hour after luxurious hour.  

The Dimplex Essex White Electric Indoor Transitional Fireplace.  He calls it Mabel.  His wife calls it May Belle.  

Think outside the bar

Stylish barstool

Consider the perfect barstool, and think outside the bar.  The perfect barstool looks right, and works right, in every setting.  The kitchen, the family room, the hallway, the living room, a backless barstool adds playful formality to any room in your beautiful home.

Today, like every day, is morning in America.   A sunny kitchenette is a happier place with backless barstools in the breakfast nook.  Kids love to swivel while they eat their cereal, and backless barstools prevent slouching.  

Good posture is improved by the perfect barstool.  Doctors recommend backless barstools for senior citizens, toddlers, day laborers, computer programmers, and surly adolescents who can benefit from better posture.  There are many barstools to choose from, in many, many styles.  There is one barstool that is perfect for you.  You need a backless barstool.  

Scandinavian style

A simple stool fits right into country decor, as easily as it does beside modern, Scandinavian design.  Clean lines, never go out of style.  A simple stool need not be simple.  Modern engineering can elevate a stool to a higher plane.  State-of-the-art, hair-trigger hydraulics combine with frictionless bearings to provide maximum comfort.   Sometimes, you can mess with perfection, and it delivers the same.

When you sit on a backless barstool, you are sitting in style. 

A chrome barstool looks good in the kitchen, for sitting at the counter with a cup of coffee, chatting with a neighbor.  A backless barstool with classic, cherry veneer is at home in the living room, one in each corner for when a guest needs a rest.  A swivel barstool is perfect for parties, where lively conversations come from every direction.  A perfect stool is the center of attention.

Sit here

Wood, tubular steel, and wrought iron are the barstool materials of choice.  Bare seat barstools are made for men made of stern stuff.  Upholstered seats provide just the right amount of cushion, and they are made of a variety of luxurious materials.  Lustrous fabric in a rainbow of colors, or rich leather tanned like mink, there is a fit and a finish that will match your beautiful home, and make it just right. Every day is a party when you think outside the bar.

A bed to believe in.

The season of Advent is one of joyful anticipation.  On the 8th day, it was furnished...

A bed to believe in.

Imagine lying awake tucked in and sleepy, but anticipation keeps tugging you from the edge of slumber.  Tomorrow will be better than your mortal mind can imagine.  The Hillsdale Man will be knocking tomorrow.  Free shipping is a kind of miracle.  He’ll be bringing a Morgan Twin Size Duo Panel Headboard.  Forty-six inches isn’t too high a point on which to pin one’s hopes.


Once upon a fortnight, a baby was born in a barn.  The door was left open.  


The advent calendar is full of chocolates, one for every day.  Tomorrow will be a banana split.  There may be more than one place in which to be born, but there is also only one way to sleep in style.  The Hillsdale Man is coming tomorrow.

Anticipation makes the best sauce.  When every day is already sweet, a surfeit of joy is not out place.  The only thing that could make it better is a good night’s rest.

Mele Kalikimaka

The heart blooms like a tulip painted, trompe l’oeil, by a Dutch Master, when its owner slumbers peaceably in a beautiful bed.  The bud has not yet burst its bloom.  It may happen when you least expect it, or it may happen tomorrow.  This is the season of hope.   A fully-welded, tubular design mirrors the pattern of one epiphany unfolding from another.  Durable, powder, dark gray finish will never be sullied by things that go bump in the night.  A tree grows in Brooklyn.  The American Beauty rose has no thorns.

Imagine lying in bed, knowing that tomorrow you will be sleeping like an angel, resting against a headboard as graceful as a seraphim’s wing.  It could be you.  Some harps have optional fretboards.  The Morgan Twin Size Duo Panel Headboard does.

Every December brings gifts that nourish the spirit.  This is one of them.  

A simple lotus.

Thanks to everyone who is enjoying One-Way Thursday, which came early again this week.  WK is loathe to commit to a One-Way Tuesday, so let's just keep calling it One-Way Thursday, knowing it will fall between Tuesday and Thursday.  Every Wednesday is Sunday at Carvel.  Yippee the Whale is not going to argue with Fudgey the Whale about the constraints of the calendar.

Nothing to do with Sarkozy or Merkel.

There is more than one way to be say grace... [ One Way Thursday comes early this week by popular demand. -WK]

Continental styles on American shores.

Every American should be thankful for the peace we enjoy within our shores, just as Silvio Berlusconi has plenty to be thankful for.  Berlusconi knows how to do the "bunga-bunga."

After Veterans Day passes, Americans tilt our heads in the direction of Thanksgiving.  On the eleventh day of the eleventh month in the eleventh year, at eleven minutes past eleven o’clock AM, 111111, 1111 in military time, peace was declared.  It is right to give thanks and gratitude to Providence.

There is a penthouse suite in Rhode Island's capitol city that is called, informally, the “Berlusconi Rumpus Room.”  It overlooks Brown University, up on College Hill, off Power Street.  Italy’s premier bunga-bunga practitioner has often been overheard to say that Providence is his favorite place outside his mother’s arms.  The people who live here understand the attraction.  They live it every day.

The stalwart citizens of Providence, of good dissenting stock, gather round the table in distinctive style.  No stern, puritan ways for them.  Instead, their dining room set is the Legacy Classic Orleans 7pc Dining Set in Golden Brown.   Rich finish, refined lines, and an open inset of tangles...  We could be describing the quintessential, stereotypical New Englander.  The whole picture takes on a different meaning in Silvio Berlusconi’s, presumed favorite city.

7-piece dining room set in golden brown.

It takes a special man to be head of state.  Not everyone can be Roger Williams.  Somebody has to be Silvio Berlusconi.  A cranberry needs its sourness sweetened to make its sauce savory.  A Thanksgiving meal has many flavors.  Would you prefer dark meat or light?  Breast or thigh?  The dressing is in one's eyes.

Carve the turkey.

Brown without gold is verdigris.  The heart of pine makes grown men weep, and it makes women weak in their ankles.  Take six chairs and pair them with a table large enough to seat them all.  That's how they do it in the Ocean State, and it is how they do it across the ocean, at Silvio Berlusconi's Thanksgiving meal.  After all, he is known to love all things American.


There is always free shipping to Rhode Island. 

Free ships pass in the night.

There is more than one way to tell a tale...

A ladder of light.

It is funny how the night moves.  No matter what you’ve heard, the heart is not a lonely hunter.  It has plenty of company.  When the right eyes meet, a blush will rise in your cheeks.  A pear-shaped lover can be the apple of one’s eye.  It is funny how the night moves.


One evening, I found myself in the middle of a lively fandango with a sprightly lass half my age.  A polite Lothario can be an inoffensive Casanova.  She clicked her castanets in contrapuntal time as we reeled to the guitar player’s tune.  Out of breath by song’s end, I left her to continue with gentlemen closer to her age.  I shared a bottle of sherry with my wife of many years.  It is funny how the night moves.

In the still, quiet moments after the rest of the world is asleep, Rick Perry, who requested his real name not be used, sits at his desk in the light of his Nova Escalier Table Lamp.  One thing leads to another.  An adventure leads to fond recollection.  It is a writer’s world when all is said and done, even if what is written is no more than a diary.  Ask Samuel Pepys.  How you live depends on how you shape your life.  It isn’t only smoke that makes a staircase for you to ascend, it is how lightly you enter and exit your dreams.  Theories must be tested through practice.

Every day, like every life, has its own rhythm.  Rick Perry (not his real name) lives contentedly, within the bounds of his private aspirations.  Like any earnest lover, he has an object of his chivalric affections.  Her name is Norma, and she is as plain a Jane as you ever have seen.  To him, she is the most beautiful woman in the world.  She looks lovely in lamplight.  

I’ve danced with Norma more than once.  She is not a coquette, but she doesn’t mind an amiable fandango with a harmless gentleman whose wife is watching with mindful measure.  Norma's eyes are as fetching as brushed nickel illuminated by one-hundred-watt bulbs.  Her eyes especially sparkle when Rick Perry (not his real name) enters the room.  

Every lamp has a story, and the Nova Escalier Table Lamp is no exception.  Of such things, dreams are made.  It is funny how the night moves.

Every chair has a story.

She is pretty in autumn.

Every Chair Has a Story.  Poetry Inspired by One Way Furniture...

There are cities more romantic than Paris, and there are cities with more history than Rome.  Where do you live?  I’ll bet that it is a pretty nice place.

We reflect our surroundings through osmosis.  A hardened criminal can become an upright citizen after a few months in prison.  A plowman can become a painter after spending a fortnight in an atelier.  Our spirits rise to our expectations.  Our furnishings should reflect that.  

If you aim a bit higher than you would normally be inclined, you cannot help but hit your mark.  A spontaneous decision requires laying the ground rules.  Shoot from the hip.  Don’t follow fads.  A chair is just a place to sit.  You are the accent.

There are cities more stately than Washington, and there are boroughs richer than Manhattan.  Even a small city can hold more than a million, naked stories, each one worth remembering.  Where there is love, there are homes, and, where there are homes, there is beauty.  It is human nature to surround a family with beautiful things.  

Every chair has a story.

Jackson Furniture Hartwell Accent Chair in Bollywood Finish. Everyone says it proudly, and most people say it loudly.  The name says it all.  

A school marm in Ottumwa knows she sits on top of the world.  She has the world on a string, and an engagement ring around her finger.  What a town.  What a life.  She’s in love with the most handsome young man in all of Wapello County, Iowa.  A river of opportunity will eventually deliver  a perfect match upstream.

Because he is such a gentleman, everyone refers to the school marm’s fiance as “Charles of London.”  He puckers up like no Frenchman would ever dare do.  She longs to be held between her lover’s generously scaled arms.  

Where good manners are the municipal standard, good taste will reign.  A community of well-appointed homes will sleep in the comfortable bed it has made for itself.  There are cities less religious than Rio de Janeiro.  There are cities less populous than Beijing, or Mumbai.  There is only one place where anxiety is countered by faith in the present.  Home is where the heart does well.  Hartwell.

One Way Furniture Thursday on Friday

Home is where the heart is.

I'm thinking about a weekly feature that I know I will be able to keep up.   I think the months that are full of posts are the best ones in the archives, so a regular feature is good practice.  I'm thinking about hosting One Way Furniture Thursdays.  Hold your applause.  It isn't written into the Constitution yet.  That's why we are celebrating Thursday on Friday, today.  Hip-hip-hooray!

I am  a simple man with simple tastes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy reading a good furniture catalogue in the lulls between my adventures.

Not every opera is an epic.  There are categories outside comedy and drama.  There are topics more commonplace, that touch us every day.  There is furniture.  

I have a passing interest in One-Way Furniture, and its experiment in writing interesting sales copy.  As regular readers of this blog know, I am a proponent of good writing artfully crafted with the aim of moving product while capturing the audience's imagination.  You might have to go back a few months to find the exact citation.  

The Dimplex Essex White Electric Fireplace Indoor Transitional.

Our story begins with the Chief Inspector stumbling into the apartment of the most celebrated detective mastermind in the history of good taste.  Our hero is smoking a corn cob pipe while leaning on the classically finished white mantle of his electric fireplace.  He likes to stare into the patented, flame-like effect while he warms his bones after a march on the moors.

“I need to find a way to add heat and/or ambiance into my quarters,” the Chief Inspector gasps.  As he speaks, he is comforted by 400 square feet of soothing warmth radiating from logs that appear incredibly real.  The detective’s private study always has a regal air about it.  His electric, indoor, transitional fireplace sets the tone with its touch-responsive, thermostat control technology.  Everything falls into place, like clues leading to a solution.  Great minds think best when their surroundings exceed their expectations.  

“Look no further, Inspector, your answer is right here!”  Our hero nonchalantly points the stem of his pipe at the fireplace that glows flickering with enchanting flame effects.  “I have on-demand heat, or, just a pleasant glow that is considered romantic for lovers, such as yourself and Mrs. Inspector.  It is also an aid to solitary, stoic contemplation by bachelors, such as myself.  It’s a Dimplex!”  

The detective raps the bowl of his pipe against the mantle with a hearty knock.

It is a Dimplex.

Balaenius Rex!